..Another take on what is written the other side assuming you read that side first .
Ok as with my page "No myths with Transition here is my safety list and general advice concerning a post operative transsexual woman.
You may not have completed gender reassignment surgery long ago ,so what you have down below might resemble what can only be described a stiched up bag of raw steak . So a lot tend to want to rush out and see if it all works right .
This all sounds good in practice but I was told by my surgeon that srs surgery can take up to two years to fully heal properly so best calm it down a bit and be patient. : footnote: on getting home from doing gender corrective surgery I made a point of letting my doctor /gp see the result ,and her words was this . its probably the most amazing thing I have seen as 30 years as a doctor
So its really worth looking after it and keeping it clean with douching .
Prevention of sexual diseases
Obviously if you have a neo vagina it needs the same precautions taken with it that a natal woman has to take and so contraception is a must because with aids and other nasty things you can catch its very wise to take these precautions if you do have sex. Lets face it condoms are cheep enough to buy and may well save on medical /doctors fees if something goes wrong .
You should always carry a packet of condoms in your handbag ,purse just in case you need them ,because /men/ can be forgetful at times and its better being safe than sorry .
| Read This Side First.|
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BELIEF AND FACT
To believe in something is not the same as knowing something.
I can claim that I believe that it will rain at 3:00 AM, six years from today, and someone may agree with me and believe the same thing. If I hold a rock, and drop it, all who are present will acknowledge that a rock had been dropped...unless they are just choosing to be childish, whimsical, or are a philosophy major.
The difference between the matter of the rock and the matter of the rain, is the difference between an observable fact, and a thought accepted as a fact. One is present, provable, undeniable and concrete, the other, howsoever fervently believed, is not. The rain could come, my belief about it could be true enough, but there is no observable proof. There is nothing to point to, nothing to show, nothing to touch, nothing to smell, nothing to be experienced by the senses of myself or others.
The only way belief can be experienced is in the mind. Facts can be experienced both in the mind and by the senses...and what is more, unlike a mental hallucination, the sensory experience can be shared with others.
It is a common error of human beings to allow belief, to allow a mental construct accepted on faith, to become so important, so obsessive, that it is taken as the same thing as fact. Indeed, there are many emotional reasons why a person might be driven to do this, but it still remains that any belief is purely mental whatever it's origin, and the mind can be mistaken.
This means that all beliefs have as part of them an implied doubt. Facts cannot be doubted, they are observably real.
When belief is assumed to be fact, when this mistake is made by a mind clouded by a motivation to assume belief as fact, that belief is considered beyond doubt, just as is a fact.
Beliefs beyond doubt are inherently dangerous. They are dangerous because they are often acted upon as though they were facts, and the inherent weakness of this is that a belief is not a fact.
Beliefs can be, and often are, wrong.
Children in our culture often believe in Santa Claus, in the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. To them, with their simple minds, these beliefs are facts. This is because very young children may not have developed sufficiently to discriminate between belief and fact.
But even adults can fall prey to such immature thinking, because they are afraid, because they are disturbed, because they are mentally ill, because they are filled with excitement, or a whole host of reasons. Hallucinations can occur that seem so real that they convince the brain that it has experienced observable fact. Such events add false certainty to beliefs.
Understanding always that beliefs are not facts, is the fundamental component of sanity. Confusing the two inevitably leads to catastrophe.
If I believe that by rubbing a hunk of quartz I will gain the Power of Absolute Indestructibility, and I act on this belief as though it were a fact, I will quickly die under the metal onslaught of the first train I attempt to block. My belief might be true, but I have no proof. Acting as though I did have proof would lead to my destruction.
When any belief is accepted as fact, catastrophe is inevitable.
So your at a stage wear your ready to road test your neo vagina at this point its worth looking at values and what that means.
What this means is this ,its a mistake to just take anybody that might come along and offer you sex because if you have morals like I do ,this is not a done thing.
Hmmm your probably thinking "Listen to Dr Tina Here"
But truthfully do you really want to be just taken advantage of ,in my case the answer is definitely no I don't
So its probably best to get the meaningful bit into it all first .
So assuming you do find somebody that likes you for the person you really are and knows about your history to a certain degree ,it might be time to move forward .
Your Partners Feelings
The biggest blunder /mistake you can make is if out in public with friends of your partner is to disclose your past history ( Hang your dirty washing out in public ) This will only serve to annoy your partner and may well lead to a quick exit of your on going relationship because it has hurt your partners feelings and made him look daft/stupid in public .
So keep it toned down a notch and handle the meeting with care and do attention. itl be worth it I assure you ,!
| To Be Transsexual|
What it feels like to be a Male-To-Female Transsexual
Before, during, and after transition
How it touches the soul, and
How it affected my life.
Initially, the trouble with my body being the wrong sex was just...troubling. My mother told me stories, of the difficulties toilet training me, of getting me to deal with plumbing I felt unhappy with. I remember how infants school gave me my first taste of the shame I would be indoctrinated with over my life, of ridicule by adults and my peers. Back then, in early childhood, I knew something was wrong, it caused me embarrassment and a little shame, but I always felt that it would work out, if I just hoped and prayed hard enough. From the earliest I felt different, because I was not like those I was supposed to be kin to, boys. I was quiet and gentle and they were rough and loud. I liked to draw and read, to paint and play with stuffed animals making little homes for them and myself, I did not fit in with my supposed peers. I felt outcast even in school, and I had a difficult time understanding fully just why. Eventually, I had to find a way to avoid persecution, for my difference increasingly resulted in physical abuse from the boys. I was threatened and beaten, called a fag and a queer, and constantly humiliated. I found an answer I found the answer in making rag dolls and playing dress up with my cousin Sandra when she came , and sometimes I could avoid persecution under the disguise of being an expectedly odd 'Brain'. I used my intellect carefully to make myself fit that role as best I could, but I never was able to find real safety.in My home made-dolls and pop poms and spending hours sketching . The boys that would play with me wanted to create adventures of conflict, but my stories always had my little monsters visiting peaceful worlds filled with gentle creatures who just wanted to be friends. The girls that would play with me sometimes let me play with their dolls, but then would ridicule me for it later.
From the earliest I felt different, because I was not like those I was supposed to be kin to, boys. I was quiet and gentle and they were rough and loud. I liked to draw and read, to paint and play with stuffed animals making little homes for them and myself, I did not fit in with my supposed peers. I felt outcast even in school, and I had a difficult time understanding fully just why.
Eventually, I had to find a way to avoid persecution, for my difference increasingly resulted in physical abuse from the boys. I was threatened and beaten, called a fag and a queer, and constantly humiliated. I found an answer I found the answer in making rag dolls and playing dress up with my cousin Sandra when she came , and sometimes I could avoid persecution under the disguise of being an expectedly odd 'Brain'. I used my intellect carefully to make myself fit that role as best I could, but I never was able to find real safety.in My home made-dolls and pop poms and spending hours sketching . The boys that would play with me wanted to create adventures of conflict, but my stories always had my little monsters visiting peaceful worlds filled with gentle creatures who just wanted to be friends. The girls that would play with me sometimes let me play with their dolls, but then would ridicule me for it later.
If at this stage you want to build a relationship with somebody you might have met ,you need to think about "What if this relationship lasts "
In this case with me I had gotten a new birth certificate and in the uk wear I live ,this entitles me to marry a person of the opposite sex .
This last part is up to your own judgement on how to handle it ,but be wise ,be safe and most of all handle it carefully
Tina Marie Phillips
The feelings of being a prepubescent transsexual might best be summarized by Hiding, Substitution, and the pain of Physical Abuse.
By puberty, I knew shame very well indeed, and feared the names and violence applied to me. Increasingly I tried to deny my true self, and felt that my gender identity was something to be disgusted about. Puberty brought a rush of sexual tension, and with it the most awful horror...sexuality.
The awful incorrectness of my body now seemed to have a will and mind of it's own, and I felt devoured and possessed as if by some alien bodysnatching spore. I withdrew into the back of my own mind, and for the next decade and then some, would feel as if I were in the back row of a dark empty theater,or picture house watching helplessly as my life was lived by another.
Male hormones were like a poison and a terrible drug to me, they brought madness and sickness. I felt terrible all the time, poisoned by sweating, nervous twisted lust. The hormones made sexual feelings flood my mind, I could think of little else. , constantly, loathing the act but tortured by the uncontrollable drive. I felt like my constant nightmares, of being trapped in the backseat of a car, rolling to doom, down a steep hill.
The feeling of being a puberty stricken transsexual was for me the feeling of being possessed by a demon, that demon being gender dysphoria and the feeling of being out of control, with the only help in withdrawal deep within my own mind. It felt like I was being raped by my own flesh, turned against me and possessed by an alien will.
The other half of my consciousness became dominant only when it was safe, it waited to become me when ever the opportunity to be alone arose.
Alone, my true self leapt panting into full consciousness, desperate to seize a moment to be itself. It was inevitable that my dressing up in my mothers things would become tarnished by that dreadful sex drive that owned my body utterly, and the endless ad times became entwined with dressing as a woman, at least for a while.
Nearing my 20's I had begun to finally have some slight control over the impulses that rode me, and once again became able to separate dressing from the need for sexual release. I could once again simply enjoy, for however brief a time, feeling somewhat close to being my true self. One fine night I simply sat in a rocking chair in my favorite nightgown and watched the rain, a blessed eternal time of utter, peaceful contentment.
Then as soon as the moment was no longer safe, as soon as discovery became imminent, my mind slammed down the steel shutters, and I literally had no memory of what I had just been doing.
This schizoid defense mechanism is the closest I ever hope to be to a true breakdown. I comprehend that it was the way my mind found to survive an unendurable agony, but it was a frightening and disturbing guard.
|No sane human wants to be utterly alone, and I still had some shed of sanity left. Of the lovers I had at that time, all were female, and I did my best to fill the role expected of me...but it was very difficult. My sex drive found release, at first, but what I most deeply wanted was an eternal, committed relationship, something few other 18 year olds of my time seemed to want. In coping with the sex I was driven to engage in, the only way I could deal with the soul-rending horror of using those accursed organs I possessed was to distance my self increasingly from the act. Eventually I was all machine inside, carefully memorizing and calculating the exact behaviors that would please my partner, with no thought of what was happening for my own lizard brain. If my partner was satisfied, perhaps they would like me and stay with me forever. It was a reasoned transaction. It became like playing a video game or pinball, as I used intellectual techniques and trained motor control to rack up a performance score measured in orgasms per hour on the fleshy console I played. Of course this kind of distancing cannot last without self destruction, and soon I was incapable of 'performing' -for that was indeed what it was- any more. Impotence was a relief, for it spared me from this special hell of squirming wetness and reptilian compulsion. To this day, because of this agony, sex is all but anathema to me. Being sexual at all brings back some of the awfulness of those days, and flashback shrieking horrors in my soul, but happily, I now possess almost no sex drive at all. This is a magnificent benefit to my comfort, but frustrating upon occasion for my spouses. I do not know if I will ever be able to feel good about sex. It hurts so much less -and feels so wonderful- to be an angel. It seems that being innocent and childlike is my safety and my salvation.|
1. If you date men, you are always in potentially fatal danger. Be aware.
2. Make certain, before you even consider a date, that your partner is FULLY aware of your status and is not significantly bothered by it. Never date anyone who does not know about you.
3. Be aware that in our society, men who are secure enough to accept you are rare. there are predators who attack transsexuals, confused sorts who seek to use and then punish transsexuals, and those who try to be accepting but fail, often violently.
4. Be honest, be aware, and be very, very cautious.
5. Some men may only like you because of your transsexuality, and may find you uninteresting post-operatively. Be sure of the attractions that occur.
6. It is not all dark, but you will have to search more carefully, and be more aware, than nontranssexual women. Even with all the above, know that it is possible to find caring partners and loving friends.
Dating both pre, and even post-op, involves concerns that nontranssexual folk do not have to concern themselves with. Some of these issues are serious.
Most, if not all of the dangerous issues revolve around sexual and gender insecurities. These insecurities are not dangerous in the transsexual, they are very dangerous in nontranssexuals.
Our culture still has a lot of bigotry and mindless hatred in it, and much of this evil comes from religious origins.
Early Christianity, Judaism, and to a lesser degree, Islam, became dominant in the western world by virtue of being warfare based religions. The universe was spiritually divided into an Absolute Good, and and Absolute Evil, and the basic premise was that the Good and True believers in the faith had to overcome everyone and everything else. To accomplish this, two things had to be done: one, the group, tribe, and religion had to concern itself with converting by any means possible other groups, and two, it had to become as populous as possible.
This last requirement is the basic reason behind homosexuality being made into a crime and an Evil. More babies means more tribe members. More tribe members means more ability to conquer and convert. Homosexuality produces fewer babies than heterosexuality. It cannot be tolerated by a belief system bent on domination.
You may be a woman, but be you pre-op or post-op, the social stigma of ever possessing a penis is there. If you date a man, those old Judeo-Christian issues in our western society kick in, and problems can occur. Sometimes these problems can be fatal.
Transsexuals and the Foundations of Assumed Truth
Transsexuals, by their existence, threaten basic assumptions and truths about gender and religion. The 'Evil' of homosexuality is shown to be the violent nonsense it is when the transsexual enters into the equation. Am I, a post-op, a woman? A surgically altered man? Something outside the scope of current belief and understanding?
As for the pre-op transsexual, then all possibility of a clear answer becomes lost. Is a pre-op a woman, a man, a woman in some ways, a man in others? To the average, simple mind, the result is paradox, confusion, and the destruction of neat, tidy categories and labels. It is hard to believe in religious prohibitions when reality itself shows the limits of them. If the word of god is so limited, so meaningless, the universe itself becomes upset for some folks. They find themselves adrift, without answers, forced to think, perhaps for the very first time. They begin to question themselves and their place in the universe, they are filled with nagging doubts.
Scared, confused people can be very dangerous. They can become violent, they can kill.
Far too many transsexuals have been murdered by men that just could not handle the issues they were forced to confront, the doubt they felt, the insecurity they suffered, or the 'Truth' that came tumbling down.
Sometimes the conflict is so severe, that men become convinced that the only way to restore their lost faith is to destroy that which caused it to be questioned. Such men deliberately seek out transsexuals to punish, humiliate, control, or harm them.
These same issues can also lead to other reactions besides murder. Some people are attracted to the forbidden and the rejected, and find it exciting. Such folks will find you desirable only as long as you fit this category.
Other folks try very hard to accept the transsexual, but fail at the task, because the conflict between what they were raised to believe, and what they want to be accepting about, is too much. In the end, sometimes the original 'Truth' wins out, especially because society supports it.
In all cases, the root cause of this nastiness is fear and instilled hatred of homosexuality, and this comes from only one place, religion. It is pervasive in our culture, because our culture is steeped in Judeo-Christian values and beliefs.
All of this does not mean that the transsexual must wear their transsexual status as a badge, or be out to everyone, everywhere.
The key is to be selectively 'Out', to carefully choose who to tell and when and why. This is something the individual transsexual must be in control of, if at all possible.
Each circumstance must be evaluated on it's own merits, but there is a general rule of thumb to follow:
Why? because 93.7 percent of all violent crime, on the planet earth, is committed by men. Women just do not commit violent crimes even faintly as often. Women do not rape, murder, kill for hate, fag bash, mutilate, dismember, shoot, eviscerate, disembowel or torture unto death nearly as often as men do.
I will not bother with a discussion of the possible reasons for this, suffice to say that in the debate all sides are correct: the reasons are cultural, biological, genetic, and social all at the same time. Why this is true is not important.
What is important is that it is true, across the globe, in every society, everywhere. Even if violence is all but nonexistent, what violence there is will follow this statistic. Learn the one thing all women must:
Nontranssexual women learn this from an early age. 3 out of 4 women learn it the hard way, in the uk, at some point in their lives. When you live as a woman, love as a woman, exist as a woman, you automatically are the heir to the perils of being a woman. To think yourself immune or to fail to be aware of this, is suicide.
Even more extreme, the status of being transsexual, even post-op, put one at a greater risk than that of nontranssexual woman.
Save your own life. Be up front, be 'Out' to any prospective male date.
This article is concerned with MTF transsexual woman who wish to date men, primarily because this is the group in serious statistical peril. Why not an article about the issues of dating as a lesbian?
Perhaps in time, but in general, the issues there are more about rejection and social bigotry, rather than physical violence and death or dismemberment. Your author identifies as being primarily lesbian, or if you prefer, a 'polarized bisexual': dedicated to reducing reflected glare off of sexual surfaces.
Although this may be a terribly politically incorrect thing to say, because of the vastly smaller risk of getting dead or mutilated, it is reasonably safe to date with women without outing ones self, until the relationship reaches the point of sexual involvement.
Because one is less likely to be killed, one can hope to become close friends first, before revealing the Big Secret, if one is living in secrecy of any degree.
The value of doing this is simple: it increases slightly the odds of being considered a human being, and therefore also increases the possibility of not being immediately dismissed out of bigotry, political dogma, ignorance, or blind, mindless hatred.
Because women are less likely to disembowel you for being a transsexual, you have a chance to escape having to suffer outing yourself immediately.
You have a chance to be seen, for a while at least, as something other than a politically unacceptable Frankenstein monster.
This may be enough time to cut through the bigotry and be truly seen.
The content of this article sounds quite frightening, and this is not without some rationality. However, there is also a danger in becoming paralyzed by fear or concern. That danger is loneliness.
What I suggest that you do is to be aware of the dangers and issues, but also realize that they are indicative of probabilities. It is very possible for you to find joy and and love, it is just my intent that you live long enough to find them.
Be smarter than those who would harm you, and you have the edge. Be aware of the very real dangers, and select carefully, mindful of your own precious safety.
The concerns for the MTF transsexual woman are a bit more severe than for the nontranssexual woman, but not insurmountable.
Keep your wits sharp and be careful out there.
The Game Of 'What Am I ?'
If you are a Male-To-Female transsexual and you are attracted to men, then what is really going on? Are you gay or straight or what? The answer depends on how one chooses to look at the transsexual.
If what matters is identity, is the mind and the heart, then you are a heterosexual woman with very standard desires.
If all that matters is the birth shape of the skin, in the past, present ot future, then you are an altered gay man experiencing homosexual desires.
If all that matters is the current cut of the skin, then a pre-op is a gay man and a post-op is a straight woman.
If the transsexual is considered a unique creature, a 'third sex', then all definitions become moot...perhaps being some shade of bisexual might come closest.
The problem is that, however you may define yourself, others will create definitions of their own over which you have little or no control.
What you must do is to be conscious of this, and determine what you want, and what you are willing to do, accept and teach, to get what you want. You must also be aware of the very real dangers involved.
I know of such relationships personally, and have even been involved in one or two of these: But it does take a little more effort and searching than the nontranssexual woman must face.
For Gods Sake Keep Your Wits About You And Think Logically At All Times, And Most Of All Keep Safe. Kind Regards Tina Marie Phillips
For Gods Sake Keep Your Wits About You And Think Logically At All Times, And Most Of All Keep Safe.
Tina Marie Phillips