TinasTransgenderWorld

........One ...Womens ...Battle ..With ...Transsexuality......

 

                  

                   
                      This Is My Story And Biography Thats Covers Over 40 Years

I was born in the year of 1955 in the queen of the midlands Nottingham and was an only child that grew up with my parents ,grandparents and an aunt all in one very big old house in a place called Old Basford.  i can only desribe what we had then was quiet a managery of diferant animals that we kept ,and these included Geese,Chickens,Rabbits, Canaries , and a couple of dogs .   Because we were prity poor the animals were kept for food and for suplimenting what we put on the table to eat , all in all it was prity much like a private zoo in some respects.          This was the 1950's and it was a grey and dismal time with everybody burning fossil fuels like coal and there were millions of chimneys bellowing smoke and soot out ,and down the road from wear i lived was the railway line and you often saw the coal trains coming by loaded up from the coal mines.       My parents worked hard totry and ern what they could and i guess little things seemed to mean alot in those days and you really appreciated what little bit you had and looked after it ,it certainly wasant a chuck away age like we live in now .              I can clearly remember spending many hours in my pushchair at the local crossings and waveing at the trains as they trundled bye pulling dozens of trucks loaded with coal from the Nottinghamshire coal fields ,and this coal fueled the power stations in the trent valley .        Everything it seemed was powered by this substance that was being dug up hundreds of yards below the surface ,and you could literally taste the smogg in the air ,it was grey with this and everything you looked at was coated with this fall out from the chimneys .           Yes it was a time of great shortage ,but it was also a time were people were happy because they had just gone through a world war and come out the other side ,and you could see the pride ,the friendship ,and the trust that we seem to have lost in todays society .

At a very early age i started to realise that there was somthing odd and diferant about me against most other young children ,but at that stage in my life i had no clue what was really my problem and i found myself  over the next few years trying to fathom me feelings out .        At the age of 4 years we managed to move out the old house away from Old Basford to about 3 miles away to our present home wear i still live today 50 years later .             It was time now to start my first school and this was Robin Hood infants ,then the juniors , but its crazy to explain the feelings i had welling inside myself ,and i just knew there was somthing diferant about myself and it was like a tiny growth inside me that was getting stronger each day .

In those days with money being scarce you kinda made your own pastimes , and makeing things like rag dollies out of old bits of material that cost a few pence ,and this along with useing old bits of knitting wool to make pom-poms kept me amused for hours .            It wasant long before i moved onto developing another side of myself ,and this was my art and i quickly learned how to draw and sketch to a very high standard for my age .            This progressed onto water colours and then oil paints and i won many art compititions at school ,and it seemed that i had really found my thing despite being quite a loner and not mixing much with the other pupils at school .                         My views on how i saw myself and the world seemed very odd by most peoples standards ,and i just loved it when my cousen Sandra came to viset ,and we played for hours being hairdressers and doing each others hair .                    The trouble was now i was starting to feel very difficult about myself and with the shyness being a problem it was getting difficult to handle things ,but i did the best i could .

The thing now that was starting to raise its head was the question about my own sexuality and i just couldant understand at all ,but it was obvious evan at that age i was not the normal young man ,like thousands of others round me ,and like it seemed very complicated and not being able to talk to others about myself and my problem was very frustrating .                    For a numbers of years i had battled this inner termoil and it was starting to get to me in a big way ,and i had no clue how to evan start to deal with it ,or what it was that had taken over my life .

When i reached the age of about 9 years old my interest in female clothing started and i found myself rummaging through my mothers clothes and feeling the very strong urge to need to try them on ,but i also knew it was basically wrong to be doing this at all.                    The feelings and desires were just too strong and little by little the clothes thing just grew and every chance i had the oppertunity to do this was eagerly taken up.                        After a while the next stage started and i knew i needed to have my own things and managed to find little bits of clothing and female belongings and these were purchased with my pocket money my parents gave me ,and these items were all very carefully hidden away till i was on my own and had the oppertunity the get them out to use .

By now i was in my last years of secondary school ,and another tallent quickly imerged from inside me and started to develope fast.          This was my love of amature dramatics and i was quickly picked out at school and selected to be part of a few pupils who were given chance to be in a special drama group there .         The group put on grandiose productions in the massive school hall in front of a 1000 strong audiance each night ,and normally ran for two weeks of performances .              This was really a lucky break and it allowed me to wear wigs and female clothing ,and nobody had a clue about my true reasons of doing this .        I just loved this and with being able to wear makeup and female clothing it really helped me alot ,and nobody had the slightest clue , and no suspiciand were raised at all .            Also on thursday nights my school used to hold dance /music nights and hold these in the school hall.         After had been going for a few weeks i found myself attracted to a young lady i had seen on several occasions ,and eventually after spending quiet alot of time trying to pluck -up courage ,i went over to introduce myself and we started chatting .              Remember i was only 15 ,and she turned out to be 14 years of age ,but looked alot more developed for her age ,and thats how i met Diana  and we quickly became an item and we started our relationship together .                 Well being young and doing what youngsters did , we soon started exploring each others bodies , and yet another side of me was starting to surface and this was buying Diana clothes and feminine things and this gave me great satisfaction ,but she didant really realise  what i was doing was turning her into what i wanted to be ,a sort of model of how i saw myself .                 Diana obviously wread the gift thing diferantly and of course strengthened her feelings towards me ,and eventually it all lead to sexual intercourse between us on several occasions .       Being very inexperianced i made a very bad mistake ,and Diana became pregnant,hell what a mess it was now ,and with us both being legally under age in the eyes of the lawi knew this was a bad cituation for us both to be in .       After a week or two and a couple of very angry encounters with Dianas father ,she was quickly given a termination of her pregnancy ,and i was banned from seeing her again .            Obviously her parents only saw one side of things and never looked at the cituation that "it takes two to tango " ,and if she hadent wanted what we did ,it wouldant have ever happened .                 As it happened that was always gonna be the nearest i would ever be to be being a parent ,and i never really would be in that cituation again ,and in all the years after never made a mistake again with any partner .

Well i was 15 years of age now ,and about to leave school and with no real qualifications behind me what so ever ,and the only skills being my artistic side with my drawing /sketching and painting .  My thoughts led towards learning hairdressing and going to college to train at this and doan apprentiship, but i knew it wasant the done thing and after much thought  realised that just getting a job was the most important thing ,and so like alot of my friends here in Nottingham headed towards the Nottingham Coal fields ,and after a short interview started my training at Moorgreen Colliery ,and move on after to my local coal mine Gedling Colliery .               I was soon installed several hundred feet below ground and about 7 miles from the pit bottom in that very deep hole ( "yes i had entered a world thate bore very little relationship to how i felt about myself inside ")  i was now a coal miner in that dirty dark world hundreds of feet below the light and the surface .

 

By now i had found my way out of the coal mines and we had passed the end of the 60's the decade of Elvis and The Beatles , and the 70's brought me a new job at a school supplies company called Sisson &Parker in Nottingham .             This decade hearalded new sounds in music and in came glam rock with groups like "The Sweet "  and other outgagous bands wear styles went totally crazy and i clearly remember "Mud " and many other bands .            Hair styles were alot longer and this worked well for me because mine was very long now ,right down my back in fact down to my waist , and it was jet black in colour .            Many girls and ladys commented how nice it looked and for a guy it was outstandingly good ,they didant know the real reason.                   My weekends were now being spent on the Lincolnshire coast at a place called Mablethorpe ( a small seaside town ) and it was there i met Jane and became totally smitten with her .         Jane lived there in a bungalow not far from the Golden Sands holliday village and her parents kept a small buiseness there ( a small scale railway that ran round victoria park )                We got to know each other prity well and spent many happy hours together in that small coastal resort ,and Jane never got to find out about my gender related problems about myself .

After a while the same old problems surfaced again and i was doing the exact same thing with her as i had done previously with Diana ,and the clothes and shoes thing started all over again ,and of course Jane just thought that this was because i loved her .                      After many months together Jane and myself ended up getting engaged,probably a stupid thing to do under the circumstances really ,but it seemed right at the time and the feelings towards her were definatly there for her .                         As we approached october Jane decided she wanted to come to Nottingham to see the famouse Nottingham Goose Fair that had run for 600 years .              Jane told me one of her friends  fathers had property in Nottingham ,and she could borrow a flat for her period here .                               This turned out to be a big mistake as the place turned out when she eventually arrived to be a wreck of a place ,you could almost desribe it as a bomb site by todays standards .         So i had no option i had to find her somwear else to stay in Nottingham and after searching the mansfield road area ,found the "Woodville Hotel " a not too pricey place because my wages couldant stretch to that .

By now my feelings were swinging towards my gender problems once more and i knew in my heart ,it was telling me i had to do the only thing that was really credable and that was to finish with Jane and our relationship we had ,because i couldant burden nher with my problems .               So with great trepidation,i told Jane we had to finish the relationship between us .       I knew  that it wasant what i really wanted but but knew it was totally the right thing to do under the circumstances .         This turned out to be one of the hardest things ive ever had to do in my life ,and we both ended up in floods of tears ,but out of kindness it really needed to be done and the right thing im sure .

Yes it was a heart rendering time ,and it seemed like the end of the world had come for me and in the proceeding weeks i sunk into what could be best desribed as a sort of depression ,but i knew the true love i had found with Jane just wouldant let me deceeve her any longer .

Several months had passed and i just sank further and further into myself and it seemed like life was just so cruel ,and i obviously knew any other relationships that might come my way were likely to end up just the same as with  Diana and Jane .          I must admit at this point i felt doomed because of my gender cituation ,and i knew lonely ness was gonna bite hard and inflict its own punishment on me as a person .                 I had to pull myself together and try and pull out of this ,but i knew one thing for sure whatever my inner femininity was gonna win at all costs ,so at this point i just let it take over me as a person .                        The 70's despite all this in my life was a reasonably good time for me  and all the glitz and glammer really suited me  with the platform shoes and the outlandish clothing styles you could get away with fashion wise ,and i started to wear little items of femi clothing and attire in a suckle sort of way in public ,but not enough so it was obvious to people i knew and others around me .

The newspapers started to publish and print storys and articles on other people who either wanted to do sex changes or had already done them (we call them render reasignments now) and i knew the most important thing in my world was to try and establish my inner self on the outside and be the woman i knew i truly was ,and should have been born as at birth.                  The next few years rolled bye and i just shouldered my inner termoil and the hurt i had inside myself ,and looking back it was a really frustrating time with no clear route to acheeve my goal.                        Everything i could lay my hands on from either the press/newspapers or on the tv  facinated me  and i studied everything in great detail to try and learn more .                          Then one day an article appeared in the Sun newspaper that would inspire me more than any other i had seen ,and was a centre page spread and article about a boy from Costessey in Norfolk called Barry Cossey  .        Barry was also transgendered and struggled with his gender like myself ,and the article told of Barrys transition to Caroline Cossey ( now known as Tula ) her story rang so many bells with my own story and it really facinated me reading it over and over .        Caroline had prity much found herself in the same cituation as myself and had the shear guts and determination to go off to London as a female dancer in a show there and had talked a doctor into giving her hormones.and several months later she had her Gender Reasignment Surgery at the famouse "Charring Cross" hospital in London.

Her book called " Tula I Am Woman " became a best seller and i wread this many times from cover to cover and just about read it to death and eventually i lost it somwear , but she certainly became sombody i looked up to in a big way .       Tula became a household name and became a model and featured on many great calenders including the "Pirelli " calender .       She eventually got spotted by a film scout and ended up in the "James Bond " movie "For Your Eyes Only " with Roger Moore.       She is living happyly now with her husband in the US.            Yes i was envious ,she had acheeved every thing i wanted with her transition ,and probably gone father than ill ever go .        One things for sure lifes only as good as you care to make it ,and if you have a dream ,you either chase it ,or just let life fritter away .

Im now in the 80's and with several more failed relationships behind me  and feeling in a state of not knowing what to do about my problem, i went to see my doctor ,a very understanding  person who was a very knoledgable medical person in alot of diferant fields.     I explained my predicament to him the best way i could and i must say he seemed very sympathetic towards me ,and he went on to explain by saying " if thats the person you are inside ,nothing or nobody is gonna change how you are " and that i would be this way the rest of my life .        He arranged to bring a councilor into the surgery on a weekly basis  who specilised in these types of issues ,and with in a couple of weeks my sessions had started with him .

Prity soon after that my doctor retired and the councilor who was trying to help me  moved to another area  and i decided that at thi point despite loosing the understanding i was getting from the medical profession now ,it wasant a good time to risk upsetting the family because my mother was now suffering with her nerves badly and i dear not risk tipping her over the edge with my problem.       So now my gender councilling had come to a full stop ,and my dream with it .

After a few months and a new doctor  in place ,i decided to chance my hand with her and try and explain myself all over again from scratch and open up about my feelings about myself .        It went reasonably well and i was told to expect an apointment  in the post wich duly came a week or two later to go to Mapperly Hospital.       The day came and i made my way there and ended up in front of two lady doctors or psycyotrists or somthing .        They sat there and listened to my story ,the proceeded to ridicule me and mock me wich hurt alot and my ego took a real battering again from this .                      All this did was leave me in a state of termoil again ,and i could not understand how people might haveso little understanding towards a fellow human being .     Not knowing what to do next i rang the helpline number i had found in the directory and this was a transgender group based in nottingham called The Chamelian Group and i quickly decided i wanted to go along and see what the group was all about and proceeded to give one of the managers a ring to talk with them ,they quickly told me i would be most welcome to come to the group at Wollaton Grange Community Centre          The thursday evening soon came round and rather nerviously i made my way there and i knew that this might be the answer i had looked for to be amoung people who were understanding of my problems .

At last i felt as ease and i knew that these people were like myself ,and that they all had there own inner termoil just like i did and that maby my way forward lay in being a member there .

That first night i was asked what my femi name was and the first name that rolled off my tongue was TINA , and twenty years on through a deed pole name change that became my legal name and ive used that name all these years .

Another passion i had in my life was DJ-ING  and  out of this came The STARTRACKS Disco and Lightshow and i did this for a further trenty years ,and this ment travelling all round the Nottingham area doing private functions like weddings and engagaements and birthdays and also special evenings for social clubs in the Nottingham area . This at least got me out and about viseting local pubs and venues and gave me a way of expressing myself through my dj-ing on these nights out .    Over this period i had several other minor relationships that were just too trivial to warrent mentioning here in this bio .

The years rolled by and i hit the end of the 90's and also the end of the decade and feeling just as frustrated as ever i realised i was having some sort of health problem and i started to feel really off most of the time and not really fully on the ball at the engineering supplies firm i was now working at in Nottingham .       I approached my doctor about this strange illness that left me feeling very tired and out of sorts for alot of the time and the doctor had several major tests done including all my bloods tested at the City Hospital in Nottingham ,and i evan arranged to see several specialist consultants privately to see if they might come up with the answer to this strange illness that had struck me down and affected my day to day life .       This brought no answers at all really and after spending several hundred pounds seeing these consultants and out of the blue a friend sugested  trying alternative medicen and mentioned a place on Mansfield Road Nottingham called The Nottingham Natural Health Centre .           I after arranging an apointement there got to see a gentleman called Nick Heynes and after a very long consultation with him he agreed that i should get some more tests done through this centre but this time the tests would be done abroad in the USA throgh an indipendant testing lab in North Carolina called Smoky Mountain Labratories .        After about three weeks the test results came back and these said i had citrobactor Fraundii ,wich after much messing about and alot of checking out turned out to not really be anything that would cause me the major problems i was now encountering with my life .       The lab had sujested that i take a strong antibiotic to knock this out so i took the test result to my doctor and was given Ciprofloxacin a very strong cipro type of antibiotic , and i proceeded to take this for several months not realising the amount of dame this drug was causing because antibiotics can serve a purpose but they can also it seems cause massive distruction to a person benifical bacteria in the gut with is part of a person imune and defence system that lines the bowl walls in its billions .

So now again i still hadent solved the problem and started digging around looking for a solution to what was causing all these weird symptoms and after a while i found what might be the answer this was a stroke of luck really and this was called Candida Albicans .           This now lead to evan more digging about to try and find sombody that might understand this medical problem and after a couple of weeks i found a lady at Stapleford in Nottingham called Jackie Sharret ,jackie did more tests on me to try and find out just what the problem was ,and the tests showed up Candida Albicans and takeing all those drugs had almost wiped out my benificial bacteria as well as anything that was nasty in the gut area ,and intern this wipes out you defence system to other things that might attack your system and body.        After a while if the yeast problem isant takled then itl almost turn fungal ,grow mycelia and penatrate the gut wall and get into your inner system ,wich is probably what happened to me ,and once in the blood can just travel round your body .          The trouble is then if this happens its very little understood in conventional medicen and doctors dont seem to understand it at all and you can do scans ,tests including bloods like i did and the results show nothing because yeast is a natural thing thats found in everybodys body but not to the level of what i probably had .        The thing with doctors is this after a while with nothing showing from tests they seem to asume that your slightly crazy and that your just obsessed with your health and have some sort of emotional problem .

The thing now was i most probably had whats known as a permiable gut ( leaky gut ) and this is known as leaky gut sysndrome ,and can be traeted with certain things ,but you need to take away the course of the problem to start to try and rectify this ,and in my case this ment starting the candida diet wich ment that only certain foods were ecceptable and alot of everyday things like bread evan ordanary milk had to go ,because bread contains yeast and cows milk contains natural sugars that activate yeast .

The next thing to do once i had been doing the candida diet for a few weeks was to start takeing supliments to help strengthen the gut and my imune system and kind of super chrage it ready for killing off the fungal infection .      This was a trying time for me and very dificult at times ,but i knew it had to be done because there was no other answer to my problem .    All the things i enjoyed usually in my diet alot of these had to go ,just evan everyday things and to flush my system i drank loads of just water everyday this helped the kidneys flush out the blood and my system .  

After many months of struggling with the diet and the die off that made you feel ill beyond beleif i started in a small way to feel better and was able to go back to work ,first just part time but at least i was on my way back to some sort of normality with my day to day life .

Then one thursday evening i decided it was a good night to have a night out at a local pub that ran a singles night and this was called Club 29 and was at the Sherwood Inn in sherwood ,and it was that night i met Lin .      Linda and i soon got chatting and we clicked streight away and it wasant long before we were dateing and seeing each other on a regler basis in the evenings .

With Lin i quickly realised she was a special sort of person ,ok she was slightly older than myself but this didant seem to matter really because we seemed right for each other .    One we had been seeing each other for a while i confided in her about my candida problem ,and lin offered all the support she could give me wich was a massive moral boost and probably helped really for me to get on top of this terrible cituation with this yeast thing .       Shortley after this i was able to go back to work full time again ,i wasant cured it still ment doing the diet and being very carefull what i ate every day but i knew in my mind that i had gotten the better of this bad cituation that had threatened to wreck my life .

As time went on our relationship blossomed and grew and we seemed made for each other ,but at the back of my mind was my other hidden problem ,my gender related issue ,but at this point i just couldant bring this to lin , and highlight the life long struggle i had being going through with my gender identity crisis .

At this point we started to travel and take holidays abroad together and the first place we went was Lanzarote ,this is part of the canary islands along with Tenarife .,Gran Canary and Fuerto -Ventura and is just off the coast of Africa and about fours hours flight from the uk .      This first holiday will always be a fond memory for me because it was my first trip abroad and also because i had somone special in Lin with me to share it .

In the end of 2004 i purchased a computer and proceeded to stumble round on it ,trying out several web sites and started to run across what can only be described as every thing i ever wanted to know at myfingertips ,and the information and articles i found were to say the least ,what i had looked for all my life.    My thirst for knoledge led me to spend many hundreds of hours surfing the internet and eventually i found companies that would supply antiandrogens and hormones to me and i could pay just useinmg my credit card and these would be sent out on a carrier wich ment i could track the delivery and knew exactly wear they were and when they would arrive in nottingham with me .

By now all my dreams had come true and everything i ever wanted seemed to just be at my finger tips at the other end of an internet line .  One of the things that interested me was reading other accounts of transitions and reading other people storys and also about there programmes to do with the steps of takeing hormones and the real life test ,and things like referals ect , i can only desribe it as kinda like winning the national lottery or all my christmases coming in one go .

 

 

I proceeded in buying hormones and antiandrogens  from thailand ,and gradually built up the dosage myself over the weeks and months .

The next thing i found was a chat room in the usa called ADULT FREIND FINDER ,and this had a room called the gender exchange room and it was there that i met the person i know call big sis ,and this was Michele ,a 62 year old ts lady and ex viet nam vetran that lives in pheonix arizona in the usa .

We quickly became very good freinds and over the proceeding months michele spent many hours each day chatting with me on msn messenger before work and after ,and i guess was part of the strength that helped me along in my transition .

Michele ( big sis ) runs a group called Transgender Outreach on yahoo for all types of trans people world wide ,and i had tried starting my own trans group without much success really on a thing called smart groups ,but this didant really work to any degree ,so big sis built me my own on yahoo and this was called "Transgender Links Uk ".            The membership quickly grew and it became a safe heaven for all ts and tv girls and there suporters worldwide .

The group enabled me to make new freinds worldwide and also new contacts in the trans world ,and although i dont own that group anymore its still going strong .

With my hormone treatment moving along steadely it was time to think about getting legal and in the system ,and i decided to book and go and see Russel Reid at the London Institute ,in earls court road ,because i felt sure with his guidancei would proceed along with my transition alot better ,and legally it would give me peice of mind to know it was all above board ,and obviously the possibility of the surgery was better being under a gender psycyotrist with a reputable name .

 

On wednesday the 21st of january , i was involved in a mobole phone conversation with Claire a freind from Derby at work and we discussed her female feminisation surgery that was going to take place with Dr Suporn in Chonbori in Thailand later in the year ,but unknowing to myself  i was being listened to by one of my work freinds and the result of that was that within a short while the whole firm had to some degree an idea of my buisiness and my transition .

The following day Dave my boss and employer and a freind of 16 years called me in the board room and asked about the roumers he had been hearing ,and if the information that was being bantered about was correct ,and i just said yes it was .

So now my secret was out fully ,and maby to some degree that phone called helped me solve a tricky problem that i would have had to have delt with at a later date .           Dave asked what my intentions were ,and i calmly explained that i wanted to transition on the job ,and eventually move onto my surgery and gender reasignment ,and i went into as much detail as i possibly could ,this kinda left him sitting there looking rather shocked i must say .

I then asked if it was going to be possible to do my transition on the job ,and he said well this depends on wether you feel that you can handle yourself ,takeing into account you have to deal with the public running the sales counter like you do .    But dave agreed it was ok if i could do that ,and i must say it was a mighty big weight lifted off myself knowing that i could move foward and also keep my job ,and i knew this would be very benificial to the outcome of things in the coming future especially when it came to funding things like surgery and a gender reasignment operation .

So it looked like the department manager was now gonna become the department manageress instead in the coming future ,yippeee .

The other major factor now though was my work collegues and wether they were gonna be ok with me on this matter ,so over the next couple of days i had a private chat with each of them individually to put things over and get there reactions to things .

On the whole it all went prity well and of course your always gonna get a couple who object to a thing like this ,and in the coming months these couple of people would surely end up being a thorn in my side ,and makeing life as dificult as possible for me ,but thats what know as bigotry and i had to be prepared to handle what was going to get chucked at me in the proceeding months .

The workforce as a whole seemed to accept things and several wished me well ,and said they thought i had great courage to attempt this at all ,and my reply to that was this " if you want a thing as bad as i do with my transition ,the need and drive to succeed outways the fear and worry eliment totally ".

The other major factor now was my darling Lin ,the lady i had a great love for  and was a big part of my world in every way ,and how i was going to tackle that cituation when i had too .

Saturday night came and we went to a valentines evening at the Crown Hotel ,and right from the start things were not good between us and with myself on so many drugs like Androcure these were to some degree knocking me out ,and sitting in there was a struggle not to drop off to sleep ,and with this happening lin automatically wred it that i was bored and not enjoying her company at all ,and after a short while had a go at me and then said she was going home early ,so the night had finished and we headed back to her place ,and this was the very last time we ever slept together .

The following morning it was crunch time ,and i sat lin down and said ive got somthing to tell you ,be prepared its a real shocker ,well you can guess the rest really .                Well i brock out in floods of tears ,and i just couldant stop crying ,lin put her arm round me and said im glad you told me ,at least i know now ,my reaction was to say ,lin im sorry but i just couldant deceive you any longer my love ,and she started crying also .

We talked some more ,and i just felt as though i had stuck a knife in the person a cared so much about ,and i felt so so guilty ,but it had to come out .

The following monday came and i walked to work through a snow blizzard across the fields on the shortcut i take to work and i had my mobile phone in my hand and lin was on the other end and as we talked i just broke into floods of tears again ,maby it was the hormones ,maby it was the sheer emotion i dont know ,but ive never cried so much in my life ,and this went on all the way to work and most of the day ,i just wept buckets full of tears .

"This Was Coming Out "  Never easy but best out the way.

 

It was april the 5th,and this was the day i made my first trip to london and Russel Reid at the london institute ,and ho boy was i nervious ,but it would turn out to be a day ill never forget .

After getting the express from nottingham and doing the london underground thing on the tube ,Lin and myself finally made it to earls court road and the london in stitute.

I nerviously entered the building and sat there almost shakeing ,and the guy on the reception could see i was a bag of nerves and tried to calm me down by saying Tina dont worry when you have been in there i asure you ,you will come out smileing ,this at this point was hard to beleive i must say .

Russel turned out to be a real gentleman and we talked for alot longer than my alloted time ,not the hour booked but at least 90 minets ,and after a long and lengthy chat wear i really opened my heart to him ,he said as far as he was concerned ,he had no doubts that i was transsexual in every way ,and had probably been most of my life ,and said he would help me all he could to reach my goal .

It was april the 5th,and this was the day i made my first trip to london and Russel Reid at the london institute ,and ho boy was i nervious ,but it would turn out to be a day ill never forget .

After getting the express from nottingham and doing the london underground thing on the tube ,Lin and myself finally made it to earls court road and the london in stitute.

I nerviously entered the building and sat there almost shakeing ,and the guy on the reception could see i was a bag of nerves and tried to calm me down by saying Tina dont worry when you have been in there i asure you ,you will come out smileing ,this at this point was hard to beleive i must say .

Russel turned out to be a real gentleman and we talked for alot longer than my alloted time ,not the hour booked but at least 90 minets ,and after a long and lengthy chat wear i really opened my heart to him ,he said as far as he was concerned ,he had no doubts that i was transsexual in every way ,and had probably been most of my life ,and said he would help me all he could to reach my goal .

Itold Russel that i had lived with this terrable problem most of my life and on many accasions tried to regress and leave this behind ,but found it totally impossible to do ,and it would go away , and that the feeling of my femininity had just grown over the years and was ripping me apart bit by bit inside ,and that i had to try and be my true inner self ,and not the sham of a person i had been most of my life He seemed very sympathetic and said he thought i should be presribed female hormones ,and i said i was already takeing them anyway ,the ones i had purchased off the internet from thailand , this didant seem to cause any problems with Russel ,and he asked what i was takeing and what dosage ,and he said that was an apropreate dose and wouldant cause any problems to me ,and then said he would give me a script for 6 months worth legally from himself .

Ithen asked about the monitoring and checks i felf i surely should be doing on myself ,and he said he would put all this in the letter to my doctor .

He then gave me several documents saying i was transsexual and that i was under his care and on hormone tratment and antiandrogens ,and also gave me a letter to my employer and letters to help with the tranfer of my passport and other legal parties .

He next dictated a very long letter to my doctor in nottingham explaining the cituation in great detail and asking if he might treat me along with himself on a patiant share basis .

All this by now had supassed my wildest dreams ,and evan Linda my ex came into the london institute with me ,and she seemed really amazed in every way with things and as this was the first time she had met Tina in the flesh ,it suprised her alot and her comments were this " ive got to admit you really look the part and i would go as far as to say you look better in this role than your male one ",this really made my day .

While i was in with Russel for 90 mins Lin sat in the reception and waited for me and while there another girl arrived one of Russels patiants and Lin got chatting with her ,and when i came out Lin commented to me that this other lady ts was a really nice person and after listening to her story i think it really toutched lin in a way just how big a heart she had and what a nice person she was .We caught the tube ( underground ) back to kings cross ,and walked to st -pacras next door and caught the express back to Nottingham ,yep i was on cloud nine all the way home ,this had turned out to be a day that far supassed anything i had dreamed of ,and yes the receptionist at the in stitute was totally right ,i had come out from RR-S office with a smile on my face The day had ended up being another vital step foward in my transition over to Tina for good.

 

                                                          Photos of The London Institute And Russell Reid
   
                                                          The Second Trip To See Russel Reid In London

Several months later I had to travel again to see Russel Reid  at the London Institute for my second consultation with him, but this time I knew I was going to go on my own ,and no Lin with me this time .

The trip was going to be tricky do to the bombings on the london underground that targeted kings cross wear i needed to get through on the tube ,and i felt slightly insecure being there ,but needs must ,and i had to go .

On reaching london ,kingscross had a big sign up saying underground closed ,so after asking around ,i knew i had to make my way to Euston station and get the tube there ,and that would take me to Victoria station ,and another change to Earls Court .

It was a steamy hot day and not great for dashing around london in and out of diferant train stations but i eventually got to Earls Court and walked to the london institute .

I waited in the reception of the london institute and Russel Reid came out and greeted me "hello Tina how are you ,please come into my office and take a seat "

We sat and talked and covered alot of subjects and i showed him things like my credit cards with my femi name on and other personal stuff i had with me ,and explained how i had organised quite alot in my personal life from last seeing him ( and he seemed rather impressed )

I told him my intentions were to go to Thailand ( Bangkok )for my surgery with Dr Chettawut ,and all three ops were now booked with him .

We discussed my transition and my doing 24/7  and full time at work and he seemed very satisfied with me ,and then he asked if i would like my referal ,(it was all i could do to contain myself from jumping up and giving russel a massive hug )

I knew after my surgery ,this was the most important thing i most wanted in this world and how important it was for me " i felt so so proud " , and my reply was this " i would just love it Russel you have made more than just my day " we smiled at each other and Russel said " no probs ,ill get it typed out and send it to you " , my face lit up with joy .Russel then said this " Tina i considder you have abided by the rules layed out in your transition and you have followed the   guidlines in this country ,and im going to  give you your referal